i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
