i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
