help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
