So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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