I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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