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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
