i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
