What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
