How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
