i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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