Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
