So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
