and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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