talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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