Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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