I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
