i already hear my dad disowning me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
