is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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