My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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