I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
