I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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