2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
