i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
