I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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