The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
