I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You pole danced in your parka.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize