either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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