First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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