The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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