OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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