Define "chronic" masturbator.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
