We need to rekindle our bromance
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
