I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
