I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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