First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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