he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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