I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
