if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
