the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
