You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
