Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize