bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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