She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
