omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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