About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
