Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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