He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
