Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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