i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he was CRYING into my vagina
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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