That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
