Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We were destined to go to rehab together
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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