so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
