So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
