My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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