there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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