We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
