Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
