u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We had sex on a dog bed..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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