Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
