Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
