That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
