my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
