i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
