As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
