So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize